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10 Tips for Scholarship Applications
Make Sure You Fit All Requirements
Before you even bother applying for a particular scholarship, make sure you fit all of the requirements for it, not just half or nine out of 10. It doesn’t matter how impressive your essay or your background is, you’ll most likely be disqualified, which means you wasted your time on the application.
Start filling out scholarship applications as soon as you can. The more you send in, the more likely you are to win money. And the earlier you start, the more time you have. You’re also less likely to encounter problems, like an Internet outage, if you don’t wait until the last minute.
Choose Different Categories
Don’t assume because you make good grades you should only apply for academic scholarships. If you play a sport too, try for an athletic scholarship. If you have a special interest or belong to a certain club, apply for scholarships relating to those. Don’t limit yourself.
Make Yourself a Schedule
Put yourself on a schedule so you aren’t waiting until the last minute to apply. Maybe once a week you can take an hour or two and search for scholarships, fill out applications and write essays. Make sure you include any specific deadlines in your schedule so you work on the ones due soonest first.
Don’t Introduce Yourself
When writing an essay or a short paragraph for your scholarship, don’t waste time introducing yourself. Get right to the point. Not only is your name already on your application, but some organizations like to read the essay blindly without any sort of identifying factors so they’ll only focus on merit when judging.
Don’t Go Over the Word Limit on Essays
If the essay or any other part of your application has a word limit, try to stick to it as closely as possible. If it’s too long, the scholarship judges may not even read it. It might also show that you don’t follow directions.
Don’t Quote Famous People
One last tip for writing the essay part: Don’t quote famous people. It might seem like a good idea to add a beloved or inspiring saying, but the scholarship committee wants to get to know you, not someone who lived centuries ago.
Add a Letter of Recommendation
While you don’t want to go overboard with your essay or add unnecessary items, you can include a letter of recommendation from a teacher, boss, tutor, mentor, principal or any other person you’ve worked with in the past. Give the person time to write a good letter. Then, you can make copies and stick one in each scholarship application.
If you’re reading the application and it promises something that’s too good to be true, it probably is. Maybe it guarantees cash or is vague on the details of which organization is offering the scholarship. Maybe it asks for too much personal information or a hefty fee. Toss that application into the garbage.
Last but not least, proofread everything — even your name at the top of the page. Have someone else read it over. Read your essay out loud to make sure it sounds good. Look for typos, misspellings, bad grammar or instances where you misunderstood the directions. Show just how responsible you are and how much you deserve to win that tuition money.
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5 Ways to Make Your Scholarship Essay Stand Out
When writing a scholarship essay, follow these tips to win the most money for college.
Make Your Scholarship Essay Stand Out
Writing a scholarship essay isn't like writing an essay for a high school class, experts warn.
Students hoping to earn scholarships, a form of financial aid that does not need to be repaid, often must compete with hundreds of other applicants and sometimes for a very limited number of awards.
Free financial aid plays a significant role in helping students in the U.S. pay for college. According to the 2019 How America Pays for College report from Sallie Mae, 31% of college costs in 2018-2019 were paid for with money that does not need to be repaid; three-fifths of that were scholarships and two-fifths were grants.
To get the most of this highly desirable aid, students can take advantage of a few expert-recommended strategies to make their application stand out. Below are a few tips for writing scholarship essays that pack a punch.
Get Personal and Be Specific
The key to a successful scholarship essay is making it personal, experts say, and including impactful details. An essay that feels genuine and offers insights into who the applicant is on a deeper level will stand out in a crowd of academic essays that may be boring for readers who review hundreds and sometimes thousands of applications.
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Scholarships awarded by the Pride Foundation, for example, require an application that involves multiple essays in which students are asked to describe themselves, what they plan to study and the kinds of work they hope to do. The social justice-focused philanthropic foundation aims to support the LGBTQ community in the Northwest region and awards more than 60 scholarships for any accredited postsecondary school or program, according to its website.
College scholarships had an average award amount of about $5,000 to $8,000 last year, says Katelen Kellogg, the foundation's communications and outreach manager. She says the scholarships are for LGBTQ or strongly LGBTQ-allied students who are residents of the Pacific Northwest.
Kellogg, who helps read essays from applicants each year, says the scholarship essays that stand out to her include "details that paint the picture of their lives." She says the most successful essays are "less about something you do and more about who you are as a person."
Eden Shore, a volunteer manager at the Pride Foundation who also has experience reading hundreds of scholarship essays, says the writing process should be meaningful for students – and that comes across in the essay.
"Your essay can be an opportunity for you to make sense of something yourself," Shore says. "Illustrate you can thoughtfully reflect."
Tell a Story
A standout essay hooks the reader from the first sentence, says Monica Matthews, author of the scholarship guide, "How to Win College Scholarships."
Think about the structure of the essay, and how the reader can be drawn in by it, experts say. The story should feel real and true to the student's life.
"Students need to begin with a hook and share personal and tangible details about their life," Matthews wrote in an email. "Simply stating that they have helped others, for example, does not let the judges see the kind of person that they really are. Writing about specific experiences with real-life situations using interesting details makes compelling and memorable essays."
Tailor the Scholarship Essay to the Prompt
In some cases, it may be acceptable and even smart to repurpose an essay the student has already written and use it for another application. But experts say students should exercise caution.
"Many times, students try to re-purpose essays from the admissions process for scholarship essays, and the result ends up being so-so," Colleen Paparella Ganjian, an independent educational consultant and founder of DC College Counseling in Virginia, wrote in an email.
Instead, essays should be on topic and specific to the unique question being asked and the organization to which students are applying.
A typical scholarship essay topic will likely ask students about their career goals and their plan to achieve those goals, Matthews says. Other essay prompts might ask students what they've done to make their community a better place or to describe a personal achievement and how they overcame challenges to reach it.
Don't Tailor Yourself to the Reader
Students often feel they need to project a certain image or side of themselves in scholarship applications and essays. This isn't always necessary.
"The only person an applicant has to be is themselves," Shore says of applicants to the Pride Foundation Scholarship.
The trap of tailoring themselves can be particularly tempting for students who are nontraditional or have an international background, says Mandee Heller Adler, founder and president of International College Counselors based in Florida.
"Don't shy away from talking about your culture, traditions, and experiences. If you're an international applicant , a minority, or non-traditional student, don't try to 'Americanize' or 'mainstream' your application," Heller Adler wrote in an email. "Scholarship committees like diversity, and the goal is to stand out and not appear to be like all the other applicants. Don't be afraid to expand on details about your culture that are meaningful to you and essential to understanding who you are."
The greatest frustration in reading scholarship application essays, Shore says, is when students fail to follow directions. This means taking note of any formatting specifications, length restrictions and answering the question posed.
"Make sure you're answering the question that has been asked and stay within the word limit you're given," Shore says. "Longer doesn't necessarily mean better. If students are bored by the essay they write, the reader will be too."
Trying to fund your education? Get tips and more in the U.S. News Paying for College center.
12 Ways to Win a Scholarship
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If you need more money to pay for college, chances are you will be applying for several college scholarships . A great scholarship essay helps the scholarship provider understand the real person behind the application and can be the key to winning the award (assuming you meet the other scholarship criteria).
Scholarship Essays vs. College Essays
Scholarship essays are very similar to your college application essays in terms of strategy. Many scholarship hopefuls will share the same grades, test scores, and ambitions: the essay is your chance to shine (and grow that dream college fund!).
How to Write a Scholarship Essay
When you’re drafting your scholarship essay, here are some helpful tips to keep in mind:
1. Start the essay writing process early.
Leave yourself plenty of time to produce a well thought-out entry. Take the time to brainstorm your ideas, create an outline, and edit your entry as you would for any essay writing assignment for your English class.
Read More: How to Craft an Unforgettable College Essay
2. Understand the scholarship provider’s overall mission and purpose.
Each scholarship provider is looking for students who meet certain criteria. Consider writing about an experience or interest that highlights your strong ties to the organization’s mission. Genuine passion and enthusiasm for your topic will show through in your essay writing.
3. Follow the scholarship essay instructions.
Make sure to follow all of the necessary steps and review them before submitting your scholarship essay. Trust us, some of the brightest students have missed out on the chance to earn scholarships dollars all because they neglected to follow instructions. You don’t want to fall into that category!
4. Steer clear from essay topics that focus on negativity or pessimism.
Scholarship committees would rather see how you overcame hardships and succeeded despite the obstacles in your path (or what you learned from the times you failed).
Read More: 200 Colleges That Pay You Back
5. Don’t be afraid to get personal.
Share something about who you are. This is your chance to elaborate on elsewhere on your application you wouldn’t have had the opportunity to do so. Telling your story makes an essay genuine and ultimately more memorable to the scholarship committee.
6. Seek out writing advice and feedback.
Asking teachers, counselors, family members, or trustworthy friends for feedback on your essay will result in a better final product.
7. Yes, spelling and grammar matter.
Scholarship committees do notice grammar mistakes . Eveny tiny errors can distract a reader from your overall message. Before you submit your application make sure you take the time to proofread your essay from beginning to end.
8. Don’t give up!
When you’re tired, take a break, but don’t throw in the towel! Our online essay writing tutors are here for you anytime you get discouraged. We can help with everything from brainstorming and outlining to revising the final draft.
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How to win a scholarship essay contest
You've found the ideal scholarship - amazing! But to get your hands on the funding you need to win the essay contest...
Winning a scholarship essay contest can be tough, but with the right tips it's definitely doable. Here are seven steps that will help you write an essay that stands out from the rest.
Understand the scholarship essay contest rules
If you want to win a scholarship essay contest, the first thing you need to do is understand the rules. Scholarship essay contests are not just about writing well; they're also about following the rules. So, before you start writing, take a few minutes to read over the guidelines and make sure you understand them. Once you've done that, you can start brainstorming ideas for your essay. Just remember to keep the rules in mind as you write; if you don't, you may find your essay disqualified. But if you play by the rules, you could be the next scholarship winner.
Brainstorm topics that would be interesting to write about
When wondering how to brainstorm topics that would be interesting to write about for your scholarship essay, consider the following tips. First, identify what you are passionate about. What are the things that you love to do? Why do you enjoy them? When you write about something that you are passionate about, your excitement will shine through, making your essay more interesting to read. Secondly, think about your unique experiences and perspectives. What sets you apart from other applicants? What life experiences have shaped who you are today? By writing about your unique experiences, you can give the scholarship committee a better sense of who you are as a person. Lastly, don't be afraid to be creative. Brainstorming is all about generating new ideas, so don't be afraid to think outside the box. By considering these tips, you can brainstorm topics that will make your scholarship essay stand out from the rest.
Start drafting your essay early
The best way to write a good essay is to start drafting it early. Do not procrastinate or leave it until the last minute. This will give you enough time to make sure that each sentence is well written and flows smoothly into the next. It will also allow you to revise and edit your essay, making it as strong as possible. Of course, starting early does not mean that you should try to write the perfect essay on the first try. It is perfectly normal to revise and edit your work as you go along. In fact, revision is an essential part of the writing process. So, if you want to write a good essay, start early and be prepared to revise and edit your work along the way.
Revise, revise, revise
After you write your first draft, put the essay away for at least 24 hours. This will give you some much-needed distance from your work, and when you come back to it you'll be able to see it with fresh eyes. Once you've taken a break, read through your essay carefully and make any necessary edits. Pay attention to flow and make sure that your ideas are clearly laid out. By taking the time to review and edit your work, you'll be able to turn in an essay that is sure to impress.
Get feedback from others
After you have spent some time alone with your work, it can be helpful to get feedback from other people. This can be tricky, because you don't want just anyone's opinion-you want constructive criticism from someone who knows what they're talking about. But if you can find a few trusted friends or family members who are willing to read your essay and give you honest feedback, it can be very helpful in improving your work. Of course, ultimately the decision of what to change (or not change) is up to you. But getting outside perspectives can help you see your work in a new light and make the revision process a bit easier.
Polish your essay until it's perfect
The final step in writing any good essay is putting the finishing touches on it. This means taking a last look at grammar, sentence structure, and organization. It also means making sure that your voice is coming through loud and clear. The best way to do this is to read your essay out loud. As you read, listen for any awkward phrases or choppy sentences. If you find any, take the time to revise them so that they flow more smoothly. In addition, pay attention to your tone of voice. Make sure that it's consistent throughout the essay and that it matches the overall tone of the piece. By taking care to polish your essay, you'll be sure to impress your readers and get the best possible grade.
Submit your entry on time
There is nothing worse than the sickening feeling you get in your stomach when you realize you've missed a deadline. Whether it's turning in a project for work or school, or submitting an application for a job or scholarship, missing a deadline can have serious consequences. That's why it's important to always make sure you submit your work on time. In the case of scholarships, even the best essay in the world won't win if it's submitted late. So if you're hoping to earn a scholarship, make sure you pay close attention to the deadline and submit your essay accordingly. With so much riding on the timely submission of your work, it's just not worth taking the risk of missing a deadline.
In order to submit your best work, it is important to start early and revise often. By taking the time to get feedback from others and polish your essay until it's perfect, you can be sure that your scholarship application will stand out from the rest. And don't forget-always make sure to submit your essay on time.
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Top 9 Tips On How To Win In Scholarship Essay Contests
Writing scholarship contests are your chance to get financial aid to pay for college. Even if you fit the bill to get it, there may be a candidate with similar grades and achievements. That is why a well-written essay plays a key role. Who will the committee prefer? It all depends on you! Your essay is the answer to the question of why it is important to invest in your education. Bear in mind, it is not a charity. Thus, the content should include arguments about why you deserve it.
Preparation Of The Scholarship Essay Outline
We have memorized the basic structure of the paper since our school days. Introduction, body, and conclusion – it is not so difficult. Yet, when it comes to the life-changing scholarship essay, many students get nervous. So they google “How to start off an introduction” and “How to format an essay”. Actually, things are not that complicated. As usual, first comes the preparation stage which includes 3 steps:
As it is crucial to carefully assess the current situation, do not skip this step. You will only waste your time if you ignore the requirements. So how to gather additional information? Ask school counselors or the Financial Aid Office to help you. Also, you can contact the Graduate Admission Coordinator to find out more about directions and deadlines. Look through the university website and find out about funding programs. Take the time to scrutinize the selected program and the website to figure out what the university is looking for. Try to find past winners to chat with them. The more complete and diverse the collected information is, the more profitable you will be able to present yourself.
Then, analyze the mission and objectives of the university. It will guide the choice of the main topic as it has to correspond to them. Prompts are always ticklish questions. They may sound like “Why do I deserve this scholarship?” or “How will this scholarship benefit you?”. But in fact, you have to grasp the underlying message. If you do not do so, you will not answer the implicitly posed question. Imagine there are scholarship essay contests for a business program. The simple question “Why do you want to study business?” implies a deeper meaning. The committee members want to know why candidates believe they are the future gurus they should invest in. If they give you money, will the university reap the fruits of your labor?
As always, the daunting challenge is to organize your thoughts. The following groups of questions should help you generate ideas: What do you consider your main achievements? Take on board, here you can mention not only formally recognized. Perhaps, you have some kind of personal victories that are achievements in the context of your life. Do you have any characteristics, qualities, skills that can distinguish you from other candidates? How did you develop them? What is your main character trait? Do you have strong beliefs or adherence to certain principles? Are there any films, books, works of art that have influenced your worldview or experience? Why do you like them? Is there a period in your life that was the most difficult for you and why? How have you overcome the obstacles? How has your worldview changed as a result of the difficulties you have experienced? Have you ever had to fight passionately for something? If you got your own way as a result, how did you succeed? If you failed, what was your reaction to failure? What would you like to do now? Where would you like to be? What is your dream? What will allow you to consider your life successful? How will this scholarship help you achieve your goals? All these questions will help you articulate what you love. It is essential to know what you want and why you need it. Only then, the essay will become a reflection of thoughts, a window to your soul. That is why focus on this stage at least for one or two weeks.
How To Write A Captivating Scholarship Essay Introduction?
You need a strong opening sentence to connect with your audience. So write it in a way to catch the reader’s attention from the first lines. It should pull them into the story and encourage them to continue reading.
How can you achieve such a result? First, do not summarize the main content in the beginning. Otherwise, your reader will no longer need to read the entire text. Also, you should not immediately reveal the theme in the first sentence.
The cardinal rule is not to mention overused phrases. They have been used hundreds of times, so you will not surprise the committee. It is better to refer to an unusual insight you get as a result of a new experience. It not only gives the sense of who you are but also evokes emotions and intrigues the readers. They will be more likely to follow your thoughts.
6 Tips For Writing A Catchy Body Paragraph
- Be specific and concise
Do you remember how long a scholarship essay should be? It is obvious that when there is a 500-word limit, it is impossible to tell about all your life. So if you decide to talk about doing any activity, reveal only the most inspiring aspect of it. For example, describe an event that you took part in and what impact it had. Also, avoid common phrases and clichés such as “Education is the key to success”. Real examples make the letter memorable, as each person has a unique life experience.
- Show more enthusiasm
If you write about an area of interest that you are passionate about, it will be easier to create a gripping text. Your essay will not go unnoticed if your love for what you do shines through in your writing.
Do not try to cry poor mouth. When students think they deserve to receive a scholarship because of the difficulties they had to go through, they are unlikely to win. Lots of candidates have also faced challenges. However, it is not the problems that make us unique, but how we deal with them.
- Present your achievements
You should provide a more individual and unique impression on the members of the committee to win. So the description of your awards and talents may highlight your strengths. However, do not list everything as for this purpose you have an application form. Mention 1-2 of the most remarkable achievements and explain their significance.
There is another great chance to get some extra points. Do not forget to describe useful skills even if they are not directly related to the chosen program. Tell them how you can integrate your skills into the learning process and why it will benefit the university. Yet, too much detail can prevent readers from digesting the content.
- Use logical transitions between your ideas
All paragraphs of the main content should correspond to the introduction. Use transitional phrases within and between paragraphs to connect the entire text. Do not limit yourself to the phrases “as a result” or “since”. Semantic transitions imply the repetition of keywords and the logical development of thought.
- Proofread the text
Set aside the first draft for a few days. Take this time to reflect on the chosen topic. Then read the text again. Before submitting, contact professional editors so they check your text several times. They can get rid of meaningless sentences, factual errors, and language mistakes.
- Format your scholarship essay
It is crucial to format your paper as it makes the text easier to understand. So read the directions carefully. Usually, colleges ask to use a standard format as for other types of paper. The formatting requirements are the following: Times New Roman font, 12-point font size, double-spaced, and 1” margins.
Do You Need A Conclusion For Scholarship Essays Format?
The essay for scholarship is not much different from other types, although there are some peculiarities. Do not summarize the main content, there is no need to remind the reader of what they read three minutes ago. It is also better to avoid the hackneyed phrases “in conclusion” or “in general”. Establish a link between the conclusion and the introduction by paraphrasing the sentences. Or end the text with a quote that is related to the content.
If you feel you cannot handle the task, it is not a reason to give up. Write several drafts and reach out to professional writers as they can provide support both in word and deed. Get useful tips, ask for proofreading or work together on the text. Remember, you should not be perfect. Write the truth but put emphasis on your strengths. Your goal is to prove that financial support for your further education will benefit the community in the future.
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6 Awesome Scholarship Essays That Worked
When it comes to paying for college, scholarships are the best form of financial aid, since they offer students free money that never needs to be repaid. But let’s face it: completing scholarship applications, especially the essays, can feel overwhelming. The scholarship essay is arguably the most important part of the application and should be well-thought-out. In this article, we’ll walk through five scholarship essay examples and explain why they worked, so that you can write your own winning scholarship essays .
Here are 6 winning scholarship essay examples that worked:
Why this scholarship essay example worked:, how could this essay have been better , want more resources on writing your scholarship essay, get started with your scholarship essay.
The essay is your chance to let your personality and life experiences shine through, giving you the opportunity to stand out from other applicants.
The best way to get an idea of what scholarship committees are looking for is to look over scholarship essay examples from past winners. Take some time to analyze the writing style, think about the strong points, and consider how you can improve. Below, we’ll show you just how you might dissect a scholarship essay.
1. Going Merry Scholarship Success Story by Gabby DeMott
What’s a winning scholarship essay look like? Check out this Going Merry success story with Gabby DeMott.
ESSAY PROMPT: Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.
“There were only a few minutes to go and our eyes were glued to the screen. On the edge of our seats, clutching whoever happened to be next to us, we watched as the referee blew his whistle and the German players took their free kick. The ball was hit with precision and skill; it flew up over the Swedish players, past their goalie, and was caught safely in the back of the opposing team’s net. We all jumped up and screamed, a mixture of German and English, of excitement and relief, of pride and anticipation.
We stood, enraptured, for the last several minutes of the game as Germany kept its 2-1 lead over Sweden. The horde of us, Germans and Americans alike, hugged and cheered and made our way out onto the balcony, where we chanted “Deutschland! Deutschland! Deutschland!” for the whole village, the whole country, the whole world to hear. Never have I felt so accepted while being an outsider, so proud of a country that isn’t even mine, so part of something I didn’t really belong to.
My German friends didn’t care that we were from different countries; they didn’t care that we would only be staying for three weeks. They accepted us into their homes and their daily lives, their traditions and their celebrations. In watching that World Cup game, it didn’t matter that we were from different places; we were all cheering for the same team. The acceptance I felt in Germany extended beyond that living room. I came to the country on a three week exchange with ten other students from my school.
We each stayed with host families and attended the Wildermuth Gymnasium, which was surprisingly accommodating to a gaggle of loud American teenagers. The teachers were friendly and welcoming, the students treated us like ordinary peers, and even the people I interacted with in public were understanding.
Before coming to Germany I feared judgment based on my level of the language (which is nowhere near as good as the German students’ English) and American politics. It was intimidating to be in a country with limited knowledge of the language and the customs, even though everyone was welcoming. People did ask myself and the other students about the US’s political climate, but no one blamed us for it. They recognized that we were outsiders, that the place we came from had flaws, and they accepted us anyway.
Since that trip, I’ve found myself trying to provide that acceptance to people in my own country. For example, I work at a canoe livery and we receive a lot of visitors with limited English. Some of my coworkers will avoid such customers because they don’t want to take the time to explain things, to exercise patience with someone who may not understand them. If people had done this to me in Germany, my time there would have been much less enjoyable; in fact, I would have been offended.
So now when someone walks up to me at the livery and asks a question in English that isn’t perfect, I smile and welcome them. I take my time to make sure they understand, that they can have a good time, and that they feel accepted. It’s a small action, but I know firsthand that it can make a big impact, at my place of work and in the world. “
- It shares a personal story of realization. Gabby’s essay throws us right in the middle of the action in her story, from her perspective. She paints a clear picture of where she is, how she feels, and what her goals were in that moment. She then goes on to explain the unity of the German and American students to introduce other people in the essay. LESSON TO TAKE : When including additional people in an essay, introduce them early on so you can continue telling your story in an organic way.
- She reflects on her previous fears and explains how she’s moved past those to grow. In the fifth paragraph, Gabby shares how she feared judgment due to her level of the German language and American politics. As Gabby became more familiar with the host families and her German friends, she realizes they accepted her, and she relaxes. LESSON TO TAKE: Sharing a story in sequential order can help illustrate personal growth and how your character changed for the better.
- She answers the prompt and demonstrates how she’ll put her newfound knowledge in action. Once Gabby realized her German friends and host family accepted her, regardless of her fears, that sparked a realization for her when she returned home to America. Gabby concludes her essay by explaining how she’s providing that same acceptance she received in another country to acquaintances and people in her country, to be patient, help them enjoy themselves, and to welcome them. LESSON TO TAKE : Consider concluding your essay with a wrap-up of what you learned, and how you plan to apply that lesson in your life.
2. Who is a “Good” Doctor? by Joseph Lee
Below is a winning essay from Joseph Lee, Rush Medical College for the Giva Scholarship.
ESSAY PROMPT: Who is (or what makes) a good doctor?
“Had you asked me the same question one year ago, my answer would have been vastly different to the one I will give today. In the summer of 2012, with my first year of medical school completed, I embarked upon my last official summer vacation with two things in mind: a basketball tournament in Dallas and one in Atlanta. My closest friends and I had been playing in tournaments for the past 10 summers, and it was a sacred bond forged together in the name of competition. However, two weeks before our first tournament, I became instantly and overwhelmingly short of breath. Having been born to Korean immigrant parents, I was raised to utilize the hospital in emergency cases only, and I knew this was such a case. A few scans later, doctors discovered numerous pulmonary emboli (PE), caused by a subclavian deep vein thrombosis (DVT), and just like that, I was lying in a bed of a major hospital for a life threatening condition.
Fast forward a few months, and I am lying in a similar bed to treat the underlying cause of the subclavian DVT: a first rib removal. There is little that can adequately prepare someone physically, emotionally or spiritually to undergo surgery; and my thoughts continued to race in the days following. In addition to the expected physical pain, isolation, fear and frustration were a few of the emotions I experienced in the four day ordeal. The procedure went according to plan thanks to a skilled surgeon and his team, but the attributes that made the doctor “good” went far beyond his ability to operate.
“Wow. I’m glad you are feeling better” and “I can’t believe you went through that” are common reactions people have when they see the scars on my upper chest. Quite frankly, the past nine months have been difficult, literally full of blood, sweat and tears. But through it all, I have been able to maintain my positivity and gratitude knowing that I have gained the invaluable experience of being a patient and discovering the vulnerability and trust that patients give their doctors. Patients indulge information to doctors that they may have never told anyone in their life and in doing so, place a great deal of trust and responsibility in the hands of a doctor. Many patients will not understand the mechanism of disease behind their condition and anticipate that the doctor will explain to them and their family why it is that they are feeling the way they are and ultimately heal them. And that is precisely what my surgeon understood: the privilege of being able to care for patients and the intimacy of the doctor-patient relationship. And as I awoke to the care of my worried parents, the first thing they wanted to discuss was the details of the procedure that was methodically and patiently explained to them by my “good” doctor.
In study after study, patients have reported dissatisfaction with their medical care, not because of lack of knowledge or health outcome, but because their doctors did not show enough warmth in the encounter or listen to the patient’s questions and concerns. There are few times where a patient and their loved ones are more vulnerable and in need of compassion than when dealing with a hospitalization. And for some doctors, a patient may be another item on a checklist, but that patient is someone’s mother or father, son or daughter, sister or brother. My “good” doctor understood this and would often say “If you were my son…” when discussing treatment options, reflecting on the type of care he would want for his family and treating me similarly. Such ideals are rooted in love and compassion for patients, not as clients in the health care system, but as fellow human beings striving to make something of themselves and the world around them (I).
Unfortunately, the ordeal of living with a chronic illness or undergoing a major operation extends beyond the confines of the hospital. Whether it is creditors harassing patients for medical bills, prescriptions that need to be refilled, or lifestyle modifications that need to be made, the health care experience doesn’t end when a patient walks out of the hospital doors. It often takes merely a minute, as in the case of the “good” doctor who told me that as a student I could apply to get the procedure financially covered by the hospital. Such foresight in anticipating financial concerns and directing me on the next steps to be taken provided relief in the surmounting stress.
Lastly, the “good” doctor understands that as our patients are human, so are we. This means we will make mistakes, some of which can result in life-threatening consequences. With that said, the “good” doctor practices humility and honesty, apologizing and sharing as much information with patients as possible. Although no one strives to make mistakes, they will happen, and how one reacts to them is a distinguishing feature of the “good” doctor (II).
Of all the qualities I tried to explain in what makes a “good” doctor, there was no emphasis on skill and knowledge. And while being able to fulfill the duties of making the correct diagnosis and appropriate treatment plans is expected, the intangibles of love, compassion, foresight and honesty is what makes a doctor, “good”. I learned such lessons in the purest manner possible, by being a patient myself, and will use them to guide me in all future patient encounters, as I strive to be a “good” doctor.”
- It tells a captivating story. This essay immediately pulls the reader in, immersing the audience right in the story. . We want to know how Joseph’s definition of a good doctor changed and why it did so. Hooking your reader from the first sentence of your essay or even the first paragraph is a surefire way to keep your reader engaged in the story you’re telling. The story itself is also told really well, with good pacing and just enough detail to elicit empathy without causing boredom. (He could have easily given too much scientific/medical detail!) LESSON TO TAKE : When telling an anecdote, consider how much detail is the right amount, to make it engaging.
- It’s a list, without you realizing it’s a list. After the first 2 paragraphs (which are mostly story-telling), the rest of the essay is effectively a list of ways that doctors are “good”: they recognize the intimacy and trust involved in the doctor-patient relationship (paragraphs 3-4), they anticipate future sources of patient stress (paragraph 5), and they exercise humility (paragraph 6). Joseph could have easily structured the essay simply by saying “There are 3 main things that make a doctor good” and then explaining each idea. However, that would have been much more boring! Instead, he expertly hides the list format, by couching it in an engaging story. LESSON TO TAKE: Not all list-type essays need to feel like lists.
- It’s personal and believable. Joseph takes a negative personal experience, shows what he learned from it and how it caused him to grow as a person. Sometimes essays about singular, defining moments or experiences can seem blown out of proportion and thus not credible. This one feels right: a big ordeal in his life that has therefore shifted his perspective. LESSON TO TAKE : Consider which personal stories to tell, and make sure the “size” of the story feels right.
3. Life Happens Scholarship by Emily Trader
Here is an example of a moving scholarship essay on the topic of family loss by Emily Trader for the Life Happens award.
ESSAY PROMPT: How has the death of a parent or guardian impacted your life financially and emotionally? Be sure to describe how the loss of your parent/guardian impacted your college plans, and explain how the lack of adequate (or any) life insurance coverage has impacted your family’s financial situation.
“When I was seventeen years old, my father lost his battle with kidney failure and cardiovascular disease. As long as I shall live, I do not believe that I will ever forget the first moment I saw my father’s once vibrant face in that cold and unforgiving casket. I won’t forget his lifeless and defeated hands, or how his pale lips would never utter another joke or speak to his grandchildren. Even though the day of his funeral was undoubtedly the worst day of my life, I wish I could relive it just to be with him one more time. Since that moment, I have felt as if all of my grief and longing resides underneath my skin with nothing to relieve the pressure. On September 8th, 2016, I lost my voice of reason, my confidant, my cheerleader, and my best friend.
Unbeknownst to me at the time, I had lost so much more. Upon my father’s passing, he left us with funeral and medical expenses that his insurance would not cover. Because he did not have any form of life insurance, the financial burden of his death was now the responsibility of my mother and me. Even though my mother works night shifts as a neonatal nurse and her commute is nearly two hours, she was forced to pick up extra shifts to support my family. Though I already had a job and I worked about ten hours a week, I now work anywhere from twenty-five to thirty-five hours a week, and I am also a full-time high honor student. Even though the death of my father forced me to realize the importance of cherishing time with my family, I do not see them very often because of our busy schedules. I also sacrificed my social life and the joy that every senior in high school should experience. Instead of football games and homecoming, I had to deal with mourning and the possibility that I would not attend college because of my family’s financial troubles.
If my father had a life insurance policy, we would not have to work ourselves to the bone and sacrifice our physical and emotional well-being to keep up with expenses. I would not have to worry so intensely about the future of my education on top of the crippling grief that I have felt over the last five months. If this devastating experience has taught me anything, it is this: financial planning for these situations is absolutely invaluable. I will not soon forget the stress and despair that I have experienced, and I now realize that to have a life insurance policy is to throw your surviving family members a crucial lifeline. Though no one can ever prepare you for the trauma of losing a parent, life insurance allows you to grieve without the constant stress of financial burden, and for that reason, it is an absolutely essential precaution.
I love and miss you so much, Dad. Thank God I will see you again.”
- She answers the prompt . It would be easy to write an essay that just spoke to her grief, or to what her father was like and how much he meant to her. But the essay prompt asks applicants to reflect on how the loss has affected the student emotionally and financially. Emily does a great job of this, by connecting the financial parts (she and her mother needing to pick up extra hours of work), with the emotional (due to the work schedule, the family not being able to spend as much time together). She also addresses how this might affect her college plans. LESSON TO TAKE :
- She provides (beautiful) detail. The first paragraph immediately pulls the reader in because of the detailed description she provides (“ his lifeless and defeated hands”, “pale lips” ). Similarly, the specificity of how her family is shouldering the financial burden (e.g. her working 25-to-35-hour weeks) make it feel more real rather than generic. LESSON TO TAKE : Use details and descriptions to make something feel more emotional and tangible.
- She knows her audience . This scholarship is funded by Life Happens, an organization formed by seven leading insurance providers, in order to educate the public about important insurance planning topics. Clearly Emily researched the provider and understood that an essay that spoke to the importance of insurance planning would be well-received by the essay readers. LESSON TO TAKE : Research the scholarship provider and adjust your content to fit the organization’s or company’s mission statement (or business model).
4. Going Merry Scholarship Success Story by Jesus Adrian Arroyo-Ramirez
Jesús Adrian Arroyo-Ramirez wrote a winning scholarship essay (and video!) that he submitted on Going Merry . He earned an outstanding $40,000 through the Golden Door Scholarship.
ESSAY PROMPT: What differentiates you from the hundreds of DACA students who apply to our scholarship? Use one of those opportunities to tell us something else we cannot see just by looking at your grades, test scores, and transcripts.
“I always knew I was different than my friends in some way. Growing up, I struggled to speak English while everyone else had little to no problems. I needed extra help in school while my friends coasted by with ease. My friends would hop on planes and travel all around the world while I had to stay at home. At the age of 13 all of my friends started driving while I still couldn’t.
I built up the courage and asked my mother why I did not have access to the simple liberties everyone else did. My name Is Jesus Adrian Arroyo-Ramirez, and I was illegally brought to this country when I was just six years old. At the time I had no clue that I was breaking any laws, and I did not realize the fact that my life was going to change forever. Growing up with a different citizenship situation than my peers was and still is the biggest challenge I have to face in my life.
Looking back there is not a single thing that I would change. Knowing that I had to work harder than everyone else lead me to be the person that I am today. I took that fire inside of me, pushed myself, graduated first in my class with a cumulative 4.0 GPA, became a Kansas Scholar, and graduated High School with a semester’s worth of college credit. In November of 2016, everything began to look up for me. I received a work permit and a social security card all thanks to the DACA program. I was finally able to get my license, get a job, and most importantly attend college.
I plan to continue my success in the classroom and do everything to the best of my ability as I know that under my current circumstances it can all be ripped away from me at any moment. Growing up with my situation has taught me to not take advantage of a single opportunity. There has been continued support around me past and current and I know there are people out there rooting for my success. I will strive to be the first generation in my family to graduate from an American University and I will set a stepping stone for my future family so they will not have to struggle as I did. My citizenship is not a setback, it is a mere obstacle that I will always learn to work around if it means giving my future children a better life, just like my mother did for me.”
- He shares how hardships made him who he is today. Right off the bat, Jesus sets the tone for his essay by sharing how he struggled to speak English and that he was not given the same opportunities as his peers. He shares his mother’s explanation on why he lived a different life, along with his honesty in the challenges of growing up with a different citizenship situation than the teens around him. LESSON TO TAKE : Share personal details (as you feel comfortable), and consider including a defining memory or conversation hat contributes to your story. This can help paint a picture of your beginnings or your inspirations.
- He includes emotional details. Although Jesus grew up with hardships, he persevered and mentions he wouldn’t change anything. It may have taken a little longer than his peers to get his license, but he also excelled in school, pushed himself to graduate first in class, and take college courses on top of all that. LESSON TO TAKE : Tell your story with details, feelings, thoughts and emotions to explain where you came from and where you are now.
- He plans for the future . Jesus shared his personal story with us, and then explains how he plans to continue his success without letting anything get in the way of his path. He goes on to say his citizenship is not a setback, and that he works to provide a better life for himself and for his future children. LESSON TO TAKE : Include your plan at the end of the essay. Consider how you’ve grown and how you will bring these lessons learned with you to help your future.
5. Why College Is Important to Me by Nicole Kuznetsov
Here’s an example of a simple yet creative and heartfelt essay on the popular prompt, Why is college important to you?
ESSAY PROMPT: Why do you want to go to college? Why is it important to you?
“As a child, my life had structure. Coloring books had lines, letters took on very specific shapes, and a system of rules governed everything from board games to the classroom. I found comfort in the fact that my future had an easy-to-follow template: elementary, middle, and high school, college, job, family retirement, “happily ever after” ending. When I graduated from elementary school I was told I completed 25% of my education. During my middle school graduation, I was told I was halfway there and I know I’ll be told I’m 75% done when I throw my cap in the air this June. College was always factored into the percentage and the overall formula for life. And I never questioned its importance. I always figured it is important because it is necessary.
Going to college makes sense. From helping my parents land stable jobs after coming to America to giving my brother the chance to gain work experience at some of the top financial firms, college educations have shown their worth in my family. Yet I didn’t think about what actually goes on inside the magical universities until I entered high school. Applying to the Academy for Math, Science, and Engineering was the first time I had actively made a decision in my education. With the encouragement of my parents and favorite science teacher who recognized that I would excel in the challenging environment of like-minded students, I applied. Four years later, I can confidently say they were right.
My class of twenty-six has shown me the benefits of a collaborative rather than a competitive environment, especially the impact that camaraderie with my peers has on our collective learning experience. Each student has an inspiring level of passion and motivation that made me excited to learn, work on projects, and participate in discussions both in and out of the classroom. I used my education to gain skills and open doors for myself such as an internship at my local hospital. I gained confidence in my abilities to communicate with individuals from strangers my age to practicing professionals. I was thinking longer and harder than I ever had before to solve individual problems and large-scale challenges. In all honesty, I was having fun.
Looking back on my years at the Academy I realize how big of an impact the school made on how I view education. I wasn’t coming to school to mark another day off my calendar and inch closer to finishing the next 25%. I came to school to learn and question and push myself. Now, as a senior, I’m excited. I’m thankful for the sample that my high school gave me of what learning is supposed to be like and thankful that it left me wanting more. I’m entering college in August with a new understanding of its importance. It is important because it is what I want for my future.”
- It finds structure through chronology . This essay is basically structured like a chronological timeline: As a child, I believed this. Then I applied to this high school (my first active academic decision). Then the high school changed me. Now I’m a senior and I believe this. Not all stories are best told in time order, but the simplest stories often are. And simple stories provide structure, which scholarship committees love. LESSON TO TAKE: Consider structuring your essay like a timeline, emphasizing the milestones along the way that have led you to where you are today.
- It is simply told . While the essay is descriptive, it doesn’t try to get fancy with overly flowery language or unnecessarily long SAT words. And that’s the strength of it. For instance, this passage [“ College was always factored into the percentage and the overall formula for life. And I never questioned its importance. I always figured it is important because it is necessary” ] explains her child’s logic in a really clear and well-written way.
- It’s got (mostly) great topic sentences . We here at Going Merry love a good topic sentence– that is, a sentence at the beginning (or end) of a paragraph that summarizes the rest of the paragraph. It helps “signpost” the most important parts of your essay. Here, three of the four paragraphs (1, 2, and 4) have strong and concise topic sentences. “As a child, my life had structure” sets up the rest of the paragraph to explain what these structures and unquestioned rules were. “Going to college makes sense” sets up why college made sense to her parents.
6. Financial Literacy for Hispanic Women by Rosaisha Ozoria
The inaugural Founder’s Scholarship supported by the New York Women’s Bond Club in honor of Michaela Walsh goes to two New York City public high school students who won an essay competition writing about their hopes for the future of women and girls worldwide . Winners of this scholarship won a trip to accompany Women’s World Banking to Amman, Jordan for their biennial gathering of WWB network members.
PROMPT: Write about your hopes for the future of women and girls worldwide.
“Twice a week I head down to volunteer at the Los Sures Social Services office, situated next to the local senior citizen home, to help at the food pantry. We distribute food to people in my neighborhood. Many are familiar faces. Many are middle-aged Hispanic women with children dangling from their hips like grass skirts. These women are there as a result of their culture and lack of financial knowledge. In our Spanish culture, patriarchy prevents women from preparing for themselves as much as they should. This leads to Hispanic women having little or no money management skills. Financial illiteracy is a major issue in my neighborhood, and that is why I hope to give Hispanic women a chance for a better future through financial education.
While I was volunteering I met a woman who happened to live in the same building as my aunt. Unemployed with two young children, and a husband earning minimum wage at a fast food restaurant, she struggled to get by every day. I thought to myself – many in my community are just like her. Then I realized I could do something to help. How? I can start a financial literacy program, which teaches Hispanic women to earn and manage money. Once a woman becomes financially literate, she is capable of making good personal and professional decisions, empowering her to improve her family’s financial well-being. Moreover, such a program will help Hispanic women become competitive employees, even in a slow recovering economy such as the one we are experiencing now.
Participating in the 2013 Women’s World Banking Global Meeting in Amman, Jordan gives me access to invaluable resources that will help me achieve this goal. I hope to find mentors from a roomful of inspiring, experienced leaders who will offer me their guidance. Also, meeting accomplished women from other countries means access to new ideas and unique perspectives. And if I am lucky, I may even come across individuals who can provide financial support to jumpstart my financial literacy program for Hispanic women. Lastly, I will tell my idea to everyone I meet in Jordan, a baby step to help Hispanic women rise from poverty.
The world continues to change rapidly, especially with globalization. It is about time that Hispanic women strive for gender equality. Thus, it is essential that Hispanic women increase their roles and knowledge in finance. The women in my neighborhood shall no longer be left out. I will task myself to help these women become better, stronger and most importantly, take control of their lives. I want to be involved so that they can save themselves from any unforeseen financial crisis. This is a tremendous goal, but for me, it is an opportunity to make a difference – in my neighborhood and for my Spanish community.”
- There is clear structure . Right off the bat, the introduction summarizes what the reader can expect to find in the body of the essay. In particular, the closing line of the first paragraph (“ Financial illiteracy is a major issue in my neighborhood, and that is why I hope to give Hispanic women a chance for a better future through financial education”) works as an effective topic sentence, tying together the anecdote and the reason she’s interested in networking with the scholarship provider, Women’s World Banking. The last 2 paragraphs also serve clear, independent purposes: the penultimate one establishes what she would do with the scholarship (the trip to Amman), and the final paragraph explains why her particular interest is important for the larger Hispanic community. LESSON TO TAKE: Clear structure helps the reader follow your point better (especially if they’re skimming, which scholarship essay readers almost definitely are!) So include a summarizing topic sentence at the beginning or end of your first paragraph, and make sure each subsequent paragraph serves a purpose that moves forward your argument or story.
- The author’s passion shines. Rosaisha, the scholarship winner, is clearly passionate about serving her Hispanic community of women. And rather than simply saying that, she shows us how she cares by using personal examples from her volunteer work. LESSON TO TAKE : Show, don’t tell. Use specific personal examples, and don’t be afraid to show your emotions.
- She stays positive. Even though Rosaisha discusses what might be considered a difficult and personal topic, she keeps the tone light and inspirational. She expresses hope and her desire to make a change in the world, answering the essay in a positive tone. It’s important to make sure your essay is not too depressing to read. (Essays about personal trauma are a bad idea.) This is a scholarship provider, not a therapist!
While this was a winning essay, we note that it did have two points of weakness:
- The second paragraph lacks a bit of structure. Her point ends up feeling a bit generic, and it’s unclear what she is thinking versus planning or actually doing . For instance, she realized she could start a financial literacy program. Did she then do so? It’s unclear.
- The last paragraph is again a bit general. Often scholarship committees want to see what concrete steps will be taken, using the scholarship award. Here she speaks in lofty terms about what goals she hopes to accomplish, without explaining ways she might accomplish this goal.
For more information on writing a killer scholarship essay, check out our list of helpful tips .
Also check out these related blog posts:
- 6 tips for writing scholarship essays about academic goals
- How to write the best personal statement, with examples
- How to write an awesome essay about your career goals
You can start writing your winning scholarship essay today and submit it to thousands of scholarship applications, all in one place. Sign up for Going Merry today to put your pro scholarship essay writing skills to practice. Going Merry is your one-stop scholarship shop to search and apply for scholarships to get you on the right foot for funding your future.
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